Dew of Dawn

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Mildewed starry mornings

of ashen laden dirt.

Glistening silver pavements,

in the ever-crusting rust.

Moistened tips of gloominess,

in the pleasant slumber sung.

A sleepless soul in solitude,

seeking refuge from the sun.

Empty Beds

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I miss the human warmth,

in all of these connections.

A soul laying weight besides,

un-tethered in its cryptic glory.

the feel of a gentle cheek,

on the hurting trembling chin.

A wave of flowing hair,

caressing the fingertips of sin.

When exactly did I stumble this far beyond?

Seeking warmth in an ocean of glacial spawn.

Where exactly does my rest belong?

Searching aethers for the ever-gone.

Day 3: A Walk To Remember

So day 2 went by in a tired storm, I knew a few people here and was able get one to order me food for the night. None of that would happen on day 3 though, so I needed some groceries.

I discovered that there was a good grocery store around a mile away and a bus can take you half way there, to the main gate of the university, which he door was just outside. So I get up early, with my coat, muffler, beanie and everything else and get going to the closest bus stop. If it were that simple though, I wouldn’t even mention it in this post.

So I wait for the next bus, unbeknownst to me where the bus goes or how even to get on. (the in campus buses are free you just need to swipe your card) When the bus finally gets there, I proceed to get on and suddenly the bus driver stops me and starts to say something in his language that might as well be gibberish, he probably was just telling me to scan in my card but in the panic of the moment I just step off.

A mile isn’t too far, I could probably walk it,worst thought I’ve ever had, but the next bus would be in 30 mins and I didn’t wanna try and communicate with the next driver so I just started pacing in the general direction, It wasn’t too bad, got a bit of a walk in and didn’t really hurt much either.

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well, at least the walkway scenery was pretty.

So here I was, a massive grocery warehouse, I hadn’t seen one this big since my childhood days in Australia. I take out my list (and the calculator app on my phone) and get at it.

The real trouble wasn’t the accusation of said groceries (even though I had to budget and leave a lot behind ) It was getting these 4 huge plastic bags back to the dorm. So the bus does also come very close to this store to take kids back to mid campus, but on the second day I was still very much unaware. I’d dug my grave and I was gonna lie in it.

10 kilo grams, 1.1 miles, 10+ thousand steps and some very very sore feet later, I made it back, but boy was that a journey. At one point I was ready to just lie down in the snow and live there, I mean I had the supplies to survive, and surely my coat and beanie would keep me warm at night. Halfway through, a couple in a car did try to help me out, too bad I didn’t understand a word they said and they would probably say the same. So I walked the whole way back, getting weird looks by many strangers along the way. A few cab drivers also stopped in attempts to get me in, but I wasn’t ready to over pay just to avoid what I thought wouldn’t be too bad.

So I finally make it to the dorm room door, completely hopeless and tired, ready to pretty much call it quits, drop out and start selling popcorn from a cart back home. When I open the dorm room door, another surprise is there to greet me, a good one this time. Another individual from Asia, who spoke my language and greeted me right away. He probably couldn’t tell but I was definitely internally beaming with delight. I didn’t have to go through all this trouble alone, finally someone who could communicate with me, someone who probably felt the same barriers I did. Finally there was some remorse!

 

Day 1: Flight Turmoil.

I took off late at night almost 5am, might as well call it morning. With over packed luggage filled with well-wishes and protection, its a good thing airport detectors don’t scan for those otherwise I would never be allowed in. I was still petrified of security, when you have the prospective of an individual trying to leave a country for a good 4 years, envious beings are bound to try anything to stop them and that was exactly what I feared.

Like previous posts, I will spare nothing when it comes to the spoiled treasure that is my home land, filled with venomous demons disguised in human flesh. You fear officials at every corner, people meant to help out and aid your travel will only strike you down where-ever they can in order to earn just a bit more petty cash than their salary allows. From traffic officers to airport security, they may try any foul tactic in order to make you pay a simple fee (bribe) and be on your way. Obviously I hate having to spend on bribery, but when forced into it (like them literally searching your wallet for hidden items and you losing a few bucks in the process) you really do have to comply. This rant ends here.

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Not actual take off photograph

Thankfully I faced no such issues and I was on the plane with a few spare change I didn’t expect to make it past the terminal. Ready for takeoff now, the sun almost kissing the bottom of the horizon, I stepped on the plane, gracing the metal sides with my palms for good luck.

Got into my seat, a middle aged father on one side and a twenty something business woman on the other; Horrible Oscar winning movies on the screen in front and all I could think off was the land awaiting my arrival as I dozed off to the sweet sounds Ed Sheeran in my ears.

 

Diary Week 0: Out the Nest, to the Next

I have always been a caged bird, dreaming of the days when I soar free. From a very young age I’ve had a lot of alone time, ready to discover the deep depths of my mind. I used to conquer mountains made of couch cushions and leads armies through the hallways, but as time went on the adventures faded further away and popped back up only as future  goals. I still dreamed of steep distant mountains and foggy morning skies but I could no longer run around the house pretending I was chasing a golden mystical dragon.

The fruition of my goals presented itself in the form of an international scholarship. I was gonna leave my country for a newer greener land filled with adventurous potential. I was set for 4 years, adrenaline rushing back into my  veins. I was finally free from the metaphorical chains, diving out the nest and into the skies.c0tl58-uuaadzmd

Like every young chick however there was a bit of underlying anxiety, a disbelief in your wings and an expectation to just give out and plummet into the earth. This was when I started watching the news. Tyrannic worldly elections, Destructive assassinations and plane crashes all around sprinkled with controversially heartbreaking celebrity death.

My intuition warned of ill decisions, as my heart palpitated anxious ambitions. Was the cage really where I truly belonged ? Were these chains which I dreaded so much really just supports to hold up my own weight which my own two feet could not ?

Crippled by the thoughts I shut down my ambition and retreated into exile, 4 months of isolation, silence and darkness embracing a sulking creature in the depths of a blanket. I would hide away from the sun and celebrate the coming dusk, be unresponsive to friendly calls seeking some sort of misogynistic refusal. Most of my dreams turned into nightmares as the months crept by.IMG_20170105_130539408_HDR.jpg

Time came swooshing in and there it was, 1 month to flight time, 1 month of sorrow, 1 month of goodbyes. Being coddled by many, fake well wishers wishing the best through their envious breaths. There were those however who would re-ignite the hopes, remind me of the horizons, the roads yet to be traveled. The true comrades, friends and allies all around. Companions also crippled in cages afar. The smiles lead me back into reality, the hopes of these nested playmates leading me to push out the cage.

I needed to explore, to live on and lead through to the other side, if not for myself, than for them; the ones who truly believed. They too needed to break free, they too needed to fly and for me to curse my unbelievable opportunity seemed like betrayal towards them.

So only a few hours to flight time, I kissed my chains a final goodbye and left a hopeful message to all those still crippled by their circumstances, I broke free from a hopeless ambition crippling “developing” country, and I still wish to go back, but not as anther crippled chick adding to the dying flock but as a leading soaring eagle flying gracefully towards altitudes atop.

UPDATES

I haven’t posted here in a while because I’ve had few things going on in life.I am about to start university abroad, which means I’ll be shifting my whole life upside down and trying to adapt to a completely new schedule. Posting here will never stop but might increase else where *wink wink* Here’s a few updates regarding that:

  • I have started a Patreon, in order to keep posting content online while I study, keeping a job to stay afloat while also studying can be tough therefore, I wanna turn my hobbies into a source of income.
    • There are some really cool prizes available there so be sure to check it out.
    • There will be patreon only content every week as well as all content being posted to patrons before everyone else
  •  I have started a Youtube channel, mainly for gameplay videos but sometimes filled with narrative content as well
  • I now have new Twitter and Facebook pages, be sure to follow those for any impromptu updates as well as just to have a conversation (I will follow back anyone who follows me on twitter and specifies that they’re from WordPress)
  • I now also have a Tumblr so anyone with a tumblr that wants to stay tuned for some fandom related poetry as well as other shenanigans can follow up

And once again Thank you for all that you have given me these past 5+ years on WordPress! 🙂

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